He Needs “Space?” Here’s What to Do
|
What’s going on in a man’s mind when he says he needs “space”?
Is that code for “it’s over”?
And what about when
you DO give him space and he comes right back…only to (you guessed it)
need more space again? Should you really put up with his hot-and-cold
act?
I’m going to tackle
this frustrating behavior in today’s email and tell you exactly how to
handle it when your man asks for “space” (because, let’s face it, at
some point almost all men do).
*******************************************
Question From a Reader:
*******************************************
“Hi Matt,
Received your newsletters. Brilliant, thanks. Quick question: I was with a guy for 3 years (2nd relationship for both of us, late 40s). He was hesitant all along and called it off several times but always came back after a couple of days when I gave him space.
He
asked me to marry him earlier this year, but after 3 days he panicked
(his word), and broke it off entirely. It's now been 3 months, and I
have not contacted him once, but he contacts me every week and is
friendly, his words and body language show attraction, but he does
nothing about it.
I'm friendly and warm, and don't talk about my feelings, just basically treat it like a new relationship. He insisted it was over for him, but he can't seem to walk completely away.
What's going on in his head?
What is the best thing for me to do?
We
had a great relationship, got on so well, passionate about each other
up till the last minute. The only problem was his occasional ‘doubts.’
There is nobody else involved.
Would so appreciate your advice.
Linda”
*******************************************
My Response:
*******************************************
Hi Linda! First of all, thank you for taking the time to write in. What went wrong here is that you failed to make clear what was acceptable behavior early on. In fact, by allowing your guy to stick around for as long as you did, you showed him just how much he could get away with. One thing I always teach in my seminars is this golden rule: MEN WILL ADHERE TO THE PARAMETERS YOU SET THEM. Let me explain that. When men first get involved with a woman, they are constantly testing and finding out how much they can get away with. That means it's entirely up to you to show them where the boundaries are.
It's the same thing
with men and their mothers. If a guy's mother showers him with love and
affection, and doesn't ask anything in return, this is the dynamic the
mother will set up for the rest of their relationship. Then the mother
wonders why her useless son never helps out around the house or
surprises her with gifts. It is because he knows what he can get away
with.
Now apply this to your relationship.
This man was able to
completely call the shots in your relationship; you let him choose
whether it was on or off, and always allowed him to come back in when he
wanted you back.
So very early on he
learned that your boundaries could easily be compromised, without him
having to actually go to the trouble of changing his indecisive ways
when it came to commitment.
Right now, he sees that he can have all the fun of being in a relationship with you (flirting, meeting up with you etc.) and without actually having to commit. He's learned that he can get away with it.
So what should you do now?
I recommend putting
distance between the two of you. You have to make him feel that if he
wants all the fun of being with you, he'll have to commit fully.
You don't get snippy about this. All you do is coolly back off from him and make sure that you are very sparing with how much time you give him. But (and here's the important bit), you make the short times you spend together incredible, and have as much fun as possible. That way he sees that if he wants to have that amazing time with you and be a significant part of your life he will have to commit more. By not giving him much time, you show that you're not willing to emotionally invest in someone who is only messing you around. So as you can see, you can actually control what your man thinks by the way you react to his behavior. The boundaries you set for him early on will define how he thinks about your relationship.
I hope this helps; let me know how it works out!
Matt
*******************************************
So, as you can see,
understanding what men think and getting inside their mind can be simple
when you have a guide to help decode their behavior.
And once you apply these principles to your relationship you will be astounded by the results.
I
go into this as much as possible in my emails, but in order to achieve
the “holy grail” of relationships – that is, long-term love – you are
going to need a “deeper dive.”
If you’re like Linda and COMMITMENT is your ultimate goal, you need my Keep the Guy training program.
This
11-module video program contains the same content that I deliver in my
live seminars and will give you all the tools you need to create a
passionate, lasting relationship with the man of your dreams.
| |
|
| |
0 comments: